What if no matter what, you still don’t have enough confidence
Does your mind ring a bell to the above statement and says, “Yes that’s me and I still don’t have enough confidence?” You may have read a lot of self-help books and heard plenty of motivational speeches to get you inspired. You may seem to be awakened for a while to do everything that you aspired for. Then again you find yourself back to square one, not moving an inch to towards actions.
You don’t seem to understand what’s stopping you after all. One of the biggest misconceptions that comes in self-development books is that you should believe 100% in yourself to achieve your goal. Actual mind does not work that way, bigger the challenge of the task or the goal will lead to greater doubts. Human mind was naturally made up to think negatively to be prepared for the dangerous situations.
How to tackle mind’s nature and proceed towards what matters to you the most? This is the only way to gain the much needed confidence to lead a life of fulfilment. Before we start exploring these topics further, let’s get some basic definitions cleared:
Check the Reality Gap
The space between what we want and what we have is the reality gap. Larger the reality gap, heavier the pain and harder the discomfort. Sometimes important goals in life cannot be achieved due to larger reality gap. For example, your dream was to climb the Himalayas and there is severe physical disability which does not allow you pursue your dream.
However small or large is the reality gap, mindfulness and our values come to help. In mindfulness, we can open up to our own feelings, learn self-acceptance, to be self-compassionate, acknowledge internal sensations. Values represent what we want to stand for in life. For example, being helpful, persistent, hard-working etc.
Living by values gives you the sense of fulfilment that you took actions based on your values. A smaller reality gap may be bridged by practice, in case of larger realitygaps, actions in the direction of values make our life more meaningful. A quadriplegic can make efforts to help a paraplegic mountaineering enthusiast in raising funds or sponsor his training fees. This way, he can value based actions like being helpful when his goal of climbing cannot be achieved in his life.
Truth about Motivation
Whenever the question of confidence comes into the picture, we know that actions are critical. To take actions, motivation is needed. Motivation is the desire to do work. Every single activity in life is guided by motivation.
All of us have the desire to achieve our goals. Most likely our goals are challenging and discomfort shows up. This is the time when the desire to stay back activates probing us to choose the path of avoidance. This is a perfect time when we can shift our focus and attention towards commitment rather than thinking about motivation. Commitment is action based and motivation is feeling based.
We know that ‘actions’ are the first step towards ‘feeling’ triumphant.
“Committed actions come first, feeling motivated comes later” – Dr. Russ Harris, The Confidence Gap.
You still don’t seem confident – What to do next?
If you are overwhelmed, to make a commitment and assess your reality gap, our therapist will be helpful in sorting out your troubles and make you walk in the path of confidence. Analysing your reality gap and figuring out your values, the therapist identifies your stumbling blocks, gives you scientific research based exercises to handle your warning thoughts and bodily sensations. Re-defining your goals based on your values, the therapist fills your life with meaning and vitality.
Mallika is keenly interested in writing and human psychology. She loves to interact with people from various walks of life and add value to the society from the learnings through interactions.
Mallika is keenly interested in writing and human psychology. She loves to interact with people from various walks of life and add value to the society from the learnings through interactions.
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