What is gay, lesbian and bisexual?

Sexual Orientation is categorized in terms of three classes namely, gay, lesbian and bisexual. A gay man is one who is romantically, sexually and/or emotionally attracted to men. The word gay can be used to refer generally to lesbian, gay and bisexual people but many women prefer to be called lesbian. A lesbian woman is one who is romantically, sexually and/or emotionally attracted to women. Many lesbians prefer to be called lesbian rather than gay. A bisexual person, on the other hand, is someone who is romantically, sexually and/or emotionally attracted to people of both sexes.

What these definitions tell us is only the core of the fruit inside. The taste, however, bitter or sweet, can only be known by consuming the fruit. Identifying ones sexual orientation is one of the tasks which is extremely personal in nature and yet is affected by cultural and societal factors. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is distinct from other components of sex and gender. These components include biological sex (the anatomical, physiological, and genetic characteristics associated with being male or female), gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female), and social gender role (the cultural norms that define feminine and masculine behaviour). In layman terms, sexual orientation is a label that a person identifies themselves with. 

But how correct or justified is this self-identification when it is influenced by so many external factors? Sexual orientation is commonly discussed as if it were solely a characteristic of an individual, like biological sex, gender identity, or age. This perspective is incomplete because sexual orientation is defined in terms of relationships with others. It is a form of identity, based on a person’s attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions. These factors are essential as they mould the way which might force one’s thoughts or sometimes actions. The time required by a person to realize their true sexual identity is also altered by these factors. For example, it is often observed that homosexual people tend to accept or know about their sexuality much later in a conservative community and sooner in a broad-minded one. The fear of rejection or standing as the odd one out from the community or society drives their thoughts in a false direction. Thus, they try to modify or disguise their true feelings into something that is socially more acceptable. 

How do people know their sexual orientation?

Only you can know your sexual orientation and no one else can know your it unless you tell them. Many people question when they should know for sure what their sexual orientation is. There is no one specific age that everyone knows. Some people are sure as children, others as teenagers while others are not sure until they are adults. There is no right age to discover that you are attracted to people of your own sex. Often it can take a while for people to put a label on their feelings, or people’s feelings may change over time. Trying to figure this out can be exciting, scary, challenging and confusing. It also might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings. According to current scientific and professional understanding, the core attractions that form the basis for adult sexual orientation typically emerge between middle childhood and early adolescence. During adolescence, young people tend to experience their first adult erotic feelings, experiment with sexual behaviors, and develop a strong sense of their own gender identity and sexual orientation. Being inquisitive or ambivalent about your sexual orientation is a commonly occurring phenomenon and sometimes has nothing to do with your sexual preferences. You can be categorically straight or gay and yet be dubious about it on many levels. Some people are easily influenced by the opinions of certain guess working family or friends and start questioning themselves. 

The process of being certain about your sexual orientation can be broken into four stages. The first stage is reached when you achieve clarity through self-introspection and observation of your own behaviour and attitude, towards members of the same and the opposite sex The second stage comes with an earnest analysis of those observations. The third stage appears in the honest acceptance of the results. But, it is only after the fourth stage that you can be sure of their own identity. The fourth stage requires you to come out and face the society and your own truth and is generally termed as “coming out”. 

Am I gay or straight?

Realising that you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual is a not a singular event. It is a process of becoming more aware of your sexual orientation and of accepting it. Understanding our sexuality and gender can be a life-long process, and people shouldn’t worry about labelling themselves right away. Depending on your childhood, the family mindset, the environment you were brought up in, you will know when you know.

Geetanjali Deole
Geologist and an aspiring psychologist

Geetanjali is an enthusiastic reader and a curious person who is intrigued by the far stretched mysteries of human brain. She strongly believes that free living can only be achieved with a free mind, and psychotherapy is the way to go for it. 

 

Geetanjali Deole
Geologist and an aspiring psychologist

Geetanjali is an enthusiastic reader and a curious person who is intrigued by the far stretched mysteries of human brain. She strongly believes that free living can only be achieved with a free mind, and psychotherapy is the way to go for it. 

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