1. Excessive Expectations

Our mind always expects us to be perfect in the goals we have set for ourselves. Even the slightest mistake can make us feel disappointed with the work we have done. The self-critical mind can cause fear and demands more accuracy out of our attempts. Overall there comes a conclusion that we are not meeting our expectations.

Imagine an archer who wants to shoot his arrow to the centre of the target board in every attempt. If he fails to shoot the arrow just once or twice to the centre and the arrow slightly deviates from the centre making him feeling worse, that’s excessive expectation in place.

2. Harsh Self-Judgement

Whenever there comes a situation to take actions and you notice your mind saying, ‘you are incompetent’, ‘you are a loser’, ‘you can’t do it yet’ and many such statements to put you down. Well, the human minds are not naturally inclined towards positive thinking. The nature of the mind is to predict negative outcomes and dissatisfy us and we easily tend to obey the warnings.

The archer cannot compete in Inter-school competitions or National level championship if he continues to believe the thoughts of self-judgement that comes in his mind. Like ‘you are still incapable’ or ‘you suck in concentration’ or ‘you are not the best archer.’

3. Pre-occupation with fear

The most common reason that comes in way of our confidence is fear. Fear of failure, embarrassment or rejection. Sometimes, it is actually fear on fear. What if I am afraid at that point? What if my nervousness faints me in the situation? These sort of questions come again and again along with scenes of failure, embarrassment or rejection.

Fear is a natural evolutionary phenomenon that occurs whenever there is a risky situation. Risky situation simply means stepping out of comfort zones. Even though fear is harmless, it triggers uncomfortable bodily sensations for one to delve deep into it and taking backward steps in attempting a task.

4. Lack of experience

Our archer plays his game of archery very well. He has practiced shooting his arrows to the target several times. All he has practiced is in his coaching centre when his coach was monitoring him. He has no experience of shooting arrows at a National level competition. He naturally cannot feel confident when he takes part in the event alongside many well trained archers. His confidence can improve when he participates in such competitions and play with other equally qualified archers.

5. Lack of skill

Any task should be backed up with the requisite skills. We cannot be confident when there are no skills to match the tasks.

Our archer can only become confident when his skills for archery had been practiced well enough to shoot his arrows to the target board. He has to go through the steps of holding the bow and arrow with his hands, learn how to concentrate on the board, coordinate his vision with hands and learn to release the arrow.

Thorough and rigorous practices to acquire skills helps in getting confident. What is your main reason to lack self-confidence?

You have read and understood five main reasons why people lack self-confidence. You must have probably already identified what worries you the most in gaining confidence. It may be only one big reason or a combination of all the above reasons.

If you find yourself stuck in any of the reasons and have not been able to figure out a way to pacify its effects, meeting a therapist will do the job for you. Tracking the exact reason and mapping the possible ways to tackle your situation using experiential methods paves way for your improved self- confidence.